I feel so fucking alone like there’s a deep hallow in my chest and I can’t find anything to fill it with. I don’t love things the way I used to.. this loneliness is eating me alive. I’m so uninterested with life and I just want the pain to end.
Do you ever feel, even though it may be a cliche thing to say, that you feel everything all at once? Right now I feel the weight of all the things I’ve missed and of chances or opportunities I didn’t take. Right now, I feel the pain I would feel standing at my parents deathbeds (which hopefully won’t happen for quite some time). But I feel it all now. I feel the pain of the past, the future, and I feel nothing of the present except tired. I hate this so much. I hurt about things that have never happened and have not happened yet and I miss things and people before they are even gone. And that my friend is the worst pain I think I’ve ever endured. Because even as they sit laughing beside you, and their eyes are bright and full of life, a part of you dies inside because all you think about is how this may be the last time you’ll here that laugh or about how lonely you’ll be when you will never be able to laugh along with them. It makes you feel completely and utterly alone when you have never been alone at all.
― I want it to stop. I want it to stop. I want IT TO STOP. (via risakada42)